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hi again Grace (and Lulu.)

pressure to conform...yoy. there was a time in the early/mid 1990's when i was done with grad school, and had moved with a boyfriend to Madison, WIS. i couldn't get a "real librarian" job there (that is one WAY over-educated town, the taxi drivers have music PhD's, etc.) so i was working part-time as staff at the main public library in town, and part-time as a veterinary tech--which i *really* liked doing! it was zero-prestige (part of my job was mopping floors and cleaning up dog poo, after all!) but i worked for good people, and *with* good people, and taking care of sick animals was very rewarding (i almost went and got an official vet technical degree from the community college there, until my situation changed and i had to move.) but the whole time, when i'd see or talk to family, they were constantly asking me "But, what are your plans? What are you going to DO?" and i just kept saying "I like what i'm doing NOW. i have no plans!" but it was like they couldn't even hear what i said.

i lived in GA for a couple years after that, and when i moved back up north to PA and took another library staff job (after having been a "real librarian" in Athens,) i started to get those same questions again. at work the librarians would ask "But don't you want to be a librarian again? Why not?" and the same with my parents. when i did apply for the position i have now, my primary motivation was that i could earn more money to put toward the debt AND get two months OFF every summer! i knew it would be more work, more stress, and less security than the staff job had been, and leave me with less free time during the ten months of the year i work, but i felt i needed to get moving on my debts, and i SO wanted those 8 weeks off every summer! so, right now, no one bothers me about what i'm doing work-wise, because it looks like i'm doing what they expect of me. but i'm clear that after the debt is paid, i will probably work as a very different kind of librarian, and probably earn less money, and have less of a conventional "career".

however, i have been more and more open about the toll this position takes on me September thru June, and my desire to live differently once my debt is paid off (i don't say this at work, of course!) most of my friends totally get it. my family...well...not as much, but i've always been their black sheep, they're used to not understanding me or what motivates me, and, thankfully, over time they've come to see how some of the things i've always talked about with them (local food, alternative medicines, cutting expenses to have more free time) are really a better way to live. i generally keep it all on the personal, practical level with them, and avoid larger societal or philosophical issues, and this way there isn't much to argue with!

i guess my advice is, just do what you have to do, and explain it in simple, personal terms, and don't try to get into any larger debates about what is the "right" or "better" way to live. no one can really disagree when you just say "This is me, this is how *I* feel, what works or does not work, for ME." people will either get it, or not. but you can't make them understand if they don't, and you have to be prepared to NOT have their support.

if this is any consolation, time and reality is on your side...as the economy gets worse, and prices rise, what you are doing will be seen as more and more making sense, as being AHEAD of the game? over the last ten years i have seen so many things that i've always done or believed in become more and more popular, more "mainstream"--hell, if MSNBC is writing about Dumpster Diving, that has to tell you something!

lately, i'm trying really hard to teach myself NOT to engage in any Big Picture arguments with anyone about these things. i try to let it slide when people like my father yesterday announce that there is no oil shortage, we just have to drill in Alaska (or whatever) and the gas prices will go back down. i KNOW he's totally wrong, but he gets his information from truly partisan, stupid places like FoxNews and his old work buddies and people at church. they live inside an echo chamber, and they are trying to keep each other's spirits up, i guess, as they deny the reality that is closing in on them? there is no point in pushing them, now. i don't HAVE to--because REALITY is going to take care of that for me. so, it makes more sense for me to work at providing a personal example for them, and when they are ready, they will ask, they will come around.

maybe just LIVE the change you want to see happen?

re: hemp--i'm sure y'all know the real reason that was made illegal here? it was a threat to completely NON-medical industries. the stuff grows like, well, a WEED, and can be used to replace cotton and a number of other big industry products. no need for pesticides and fertilizers, easy to grow, to harvest...many uses? it's kind of like the war on dandelions--if you read about those, they have many uses, too, and are a GREAT food source, and again, they grow like "weeds" right? how much land has been poisoned, how many lawns, just to try and eradicate them? as well as many other wild, native plants that make great food or medicine. it's all about control, about locking up the food, and directing peoples' energies, keeping them in line and depending on the larger economy to survive.

man, i could go on and ON!

one more thought on the original question--i think that when people who truly care about you see that YOU are unhappy, and that you need to make the changes you do to your lifestyle, and then they see you are HAPPIER as you make them, they have to accept that. they don't have to become like you, or agree on any larger issue, but just accept that you are who you are. if you had a wheat allergy, for instance, those people would not get mad at your for having a special diet, would they? so, it's kind of the same thing, only about other parts of living.

my father actually got nervous when i started taking every extra dollar that was lying around in old savings accounts and whatnot, giving up my car, all just to pay on my debt. he wanted to know what "the hurry" was? and he's SCOTTISH, dammit--he should *genetically* hate and fear ALL debt, right?! but i showed him the interest calculations (like how little my meager savings was earning, versus how much interest the debt grows by,) and then he got it, sort of...enough, anyway.

as for your sisters, Lulu, i think partly they feel threatened that you don't buy into the world they are trapped within? for some people, just SEEING someone else live in a way that kind of points out something that is unhealthy about their own beliefs, gets them afraid and angry? there isn't much you can do except be patient with them, be gentle, but HOLD your ground! if you were a recovering alcoholic, and they were still practicing alcoholics, they'd probably be pushing you to DRINK with them! i bet! how would you handle that? i'd treat this all the same way. you are trying to recover from an illness which they don't want to admit they have!

i guess i really feel NO pressure now to conform or stay "in"--my pressure is all financial. i'm just used to many people always thinking i'm weird, so that's just normal to me! what i need to learn, is how to stop arguing with them, and just smile and say "oh well" and keep moving the way i want to move, and let them find their own way? you should have seen the abject horror, the disbelief, on my family's faces when after the last car break-down about a year ago, i didn't fix it, and instead let all the paperwork, insurance, everything just lapse! for a while, they kept alerting me to all the "great car loan deals" and to every used car for sale they came across (my father even tried to get me to buy his buddy's old SUV! ack! blah! NEVER!) and the first couple times i made the two-bus, two-hour trip and then walked 1/2 mile at the end to get to my parents' house...HA! you'd have thought i had joined some satanic cult! the BUS?! WALKING!? oh noes! how CAN you?! but i just kept doing it, and now they accept it (well, more and more these days, every time gas goes up again!)